New Beginnings

When I made the decision to get divorced and moved out of my then home, I vividly remember the first night in my new home…a home that felt so perfect for this new beginning.

I remember sitting alone in my new bedroom feeling grateful for my own space, a place to call my own, and for the beautiful energy I could feel all around me. There was a sense of relief and excitement that came with the newness of it all, but mostly there was a hell of a lot of unknown.

The unknown, well, it felt scary.

For the first time in perhaps my entire life, I had no solid idea of what might come next. I had no plans. It felt like this giant, empty space had opened up for me to fill and I had no clarity or clue just yet on how to fill it or what to fill it with. I remember telling a friend that I felt as though my world as I knew it had come crashing down and there I was, amongst all the rubble, attempting to sift and sort through it with no idea where to begin.

I felt scared.

I felt scared because everything was new again. The comfort I had once known was gone. I was smack dab in the middle of discomfort and change.

I felt scared because the change I was experiencing was bigger than big. From my perspective, it was huge, giant, ginormous.

I felt scared because I had no road map to follow, no prior life experience with divorce to lean into, no manual to refer to.

While my new beginning was empowering, invigorating, and exciting, it was also markedly lonely, very uncomfortable, and left me feeling a bit lost early on.

After little sleep, I woke up the next morning, my first morning in my new home, grabbed my journal and did the only thing I knew to do…started writing. I filled pages and pages in my journal that morning, but the one sentence that always stands out when I re-read that entry is this:

And that my friends is exactly what I have been doing since that morning.

I chose to begin again. I chose to sift and sort and piece together the rubble that was all around me. I chose to rebuild in my own way. I chose to create my life with intention.

I choose THAT each and every day.

I learned to embrace the suck of the discomfort and allow myself to grow from it.

I learned that nothing is too huge, giant, or ginormous for me to figure out, work through, and overcome.

I learned how to create my own damn roadmap and how to write my own damn manual.

New beginnings, while empowering and invigorating and exciting, can also leave us feeling lonely, very uncomfortable, and scared.
So we do the only thing we know how to do.

We put one foot in front of the other.

We begin again.

We navigate our path.

We find our way.

And then, we get to look back and reflect only to realize we have built something even more beautiful than we could have imagined and we have grown grown beyond our wildest dreams.

If you’re smack dab in the midst of a new beginning and feeling all the things, I’m here to remind you, you’ve got this.

Put one foot in front of the other and navigate your path. You are finding your way. One day you will look back at this time in your life with gratitude and a smile and know… I DID THIS. I have built something more beautiful than I could have imagined and I have grown beyond my wildest dreams.

Keep going.