Let Them Carry You
A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure to help organize an amazing event as part of the Board for Women’s Entrepreneurship - New Hampshire. This event was open to just 30 guests in an intimate setting at Murphy’s Taproom in Bedford, NH and the theme of the night was “pursuing your passions during challenging times”. The event was a sell out and over $600 was donated to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society toward my fundraising goal as I prepare to summit Mount Kilimanjaro in February of 2021. To say I was overwhelmed with gratitude from this amazing group of women and donors would be an understatement.
Our keynote speaker for the event was none other than Attorney Linda Johnson, Director at McLane Middleton Professional Association. I had had the pleasure of hearing Linda speak in 2019 at our Women’s Entrepreneurship Day Event held at LaBelle Winery, and so having another opportunity to hear from Linda piqued my interest and I could not wait to introduce her that evening and hear how she had pursued her own passions during difficult times.
Linda’s shared with us her personal stories of various challenges that life has thrown her along the way including the story of her first husband committing suicide and then experiencing divorce in her second marriage. She opened up. She was truly vulnerable. She was authentic. She was real. And she was simply amazing. Her stories, her resilience, and the lessons learned from the challenges she has faced truly resonated with me on a personal level and I was so thankful to have had the opportunity to be in the room that evening and take it all in once again.
During her keynote, Linda used the words “let them carry you” when speaking about times in her personal life when she just did not know how she would get back up. She talked about letting those around you carry you during those hard times and how we too can carry those around us when they are experiencing difficult times. As I always say, it truly takes a village.
Coincidentally, it just so happens to be the time of year where the sky is filled with geese migrating in their “V” formation. And so the next day, when I spied a group of geese up above flying so beautifully in their “V” formation, I was reminded to “let them carry you”. As I watched the geese fly, I thought back to the evening before and thought about times in my own life when I have looked to others to carry me and my eyes filled with tears. What a beautiful sight to see those geese that day!
Photo credit: Mary Leach - Mary is a friend and amazing photographer! She is a healthcare communications professional and journalist who delights in telling stories by creating content that improves people’s lives. She is also the unofficial PR person for Billerica, Massachusetts!
According to an article by Ed Yong, “Birds That Fly In A V Formation Use An Amazing Trick”, published on www.nationalgeographic.com on January 15, 2014, the simple explanation for why birds fly in the “V” formation is to conserve energy. The birds are “drafting” which is common amongst race cars, bikers, runners, and more. Yong notes that “…birds at the back of the V had slower heart rates than those in the front, and flapped less often…”. In other words, birds even switch positions in the “V” formation as they migrate as a means of saving energy and sharing the work amongst the group. Those in the front work harder and flap their wings more often and those in the back get a small break and flap their wings less often.
We have all faced or will face challenges in this journey we call life. Whether it be feeling overwhelmed as a busy parent trying to juggle it all day to day, managing remote schooling for your kiddos in this ever changing environment, experiencing the loss of a loved one, struggling in a relationship, going through a divorce, stress at work, moving to a new home or new state, dealing with a loved one who faces addiction, or the many other challenges that I can’t possibly list that pop up in this one life we get to live, it is so vital to remember self-care. It is so vital to remember that there are times when we need to take the lead and fly at the front, flapping our wings a little bit harder to help someone close to us that needs support, and there are times when we need to recognize that we will fly at the back, flap our wings less often, and let those around us carry us, support us, and love us hard.
The birds above us high in the sky seem to know and understand that to migrate, they must work together. To avoid running out of energy on their journey and to safely arrive at their destination, they must take turns leading, flying at the front of the pack, and then they must drop back, take a break, and conserve their energy so that they can move to the front once again and drop back once again and so on.
Imagine if one of the birds decided it would stay in the front the entire way during migration? I’d guess that bird would fall out of the sky from exhaustion! Or if one of the birds stayed in the back the entire time and let the others do all the work? I’d guess that bird would not be part of the group for too long.
Without my own circle of family and friends, simply put, I’m not sure I would still be flapping my own wings. I think I would have surely fallen to the ground and not gotten back up on the days where parenting two little ones nearly pushed me over the edge, where my personal and professional responsibilities felt like entirely too much, where my Dad nearly passed away before my eyes, where my marriage fell to pieces, where my health was in a downward spiral…. On ALL the days where ALL the things felt too heavy to carry on my own, had I not looked to my circle for support, I would have fallen out of the sky so to say.
I know this because I have been the bird that tries to fly at the front the whole time. There have been too many times that I have tried to “do it all” on my own because my ego, my pride, my impatience got in the way of asking for help or letting others help me. Nearly every time, I have wound up stressed to the max. My body has rejected the added stress and I have wound up extremely sick as a result. I have lost sight of the “fun” involved with certain experiences because I was too stubborn to let others step in and help me along the way, leading me to feel overwhelmed and even resentful at times that I had to do it all myself. But the reality is, none of us have to “do it all” on our own. We have a choice. I have learned to make the choice to ask for support when I feel myself falling out of the sky.
When life comes down on you, when you are faced with a difficult, challenging time, when you feel like you can’t take another step on your own or you’ll fall to the ground, choose to fall back in the formation. Choose to “let them carry you” as Linda said so eloquently that evening. We were meant to lift one another up when we need lifting. We were meant to rest when we need to rest. We were meant to love one another and support one another when we need love and support.
Next time you are feeling overwhelmed, when you are struggling with a challenge large or small, when the weight of the world feels too heavy to carry on your own, let them carry YOU. Give yourself permission to drop to the back and take a break. Don’t be that bird that insists on doing it all on its own, flying at the front of the pack for the entire journey, and falling out of the sky from exhaustion. As difficult as it can feel, make the choice to reach out and ask for help and support. If someone offers to help and support you, let them do just that. Push your pride and your ego and your impatience to the side and LET THEM CARRY YOU. I guarantee you will get to return the favor and flap your wings hard when the time comes.