Take The Trip…Solo

A few months ago, in the midst of the hell that was home schooling and Covid-19 and the unknown that lie ahead for the summer months (Will beaches be open? Will summer camps happen? Will we all be stuck at home melting in the heat?), I started looking around for private homes to rent for a full month. My only concerns at the time were does the house have WiFi so that I can work and is there a private pool so that at least we can be outside, in the water, enjoying the sunshine. Seems rational right? At first, when I shared this idea with my friends they thought I was insane, but as time passed, more and more of them started expressing interest in doing something similar. Clearly, we were all desperate to get the hell out of Dodge and create some sense of normalcy for the summer months ahead. Who cares if it cost us our life savings to do.

Thankfully, I calmed down, came to my senses, and didn’t sell my first born to fund said private home. And thankfully, the Universe heard me crying out in desperation and, as she always does, showed up a few weeks later with something even better. Enter my beautiful friend with a gorgeous lake house in Vermont. Thank you Universe!

I was scrolling on FaceBook early one morning between planks and push ups and noticed I had been added to a group. My friend had formed this group of a handful of her friends to share that she would be offering her lake house for rent over the summer. I couldn’t believe my eyes! It was like a gift handed to me that morning! I immediately reached out to her to inquire on dates and found that there happened to be a stretch of nine days in July that were still open. Without hesitating, I booked it. Nine entire days on a lake! Something to look forward to in the midst of all the unknown was exactly what I needed.

I am writing this on day two of my lake house get away. I am sitting on the most beautiful screen porch overlooking the most beautiful lake with mountains in the distance and the sun beginning to set across the way. I swear I have found Heaven on Earth. I feel so extremely grateful to be able to pack up, head to Vermont, and essentially shift my office space for nine entire days. I feel so extremely grateful to have created a life that allows me to be here, right now, writing this piece after spending a peaceful morning on the water, a productive day of working with a lake view, and now a beautiful evening ahead of me.

I’ve never regretted the “being on the water, immersed in nature, beauty all around me” kind of experience and this lake house is proving to be one of those experiences.  From the moment I slipped the key in and opened the door, I fell in love.  So much character.  So naturally beautiful.  Such amazing energy. Three things I love in this life.  

Did I mention I am solo?

Yes, you read that right. I am here by myself for more than half of this time away. Me.  Myself. And I. And it is fucking fantastic.  

In a couple of days my little loves, their Dad, and some amazing friends will visit.  We will laugh.  We will swim.  We will fish. We will explore. We will be sunburnt and smiling. We will make s’mores and hang around the fire pit.  We will stay up way too late. I can’t wait for that time, but for now, I am solo and I am so happy.

This is the fourth time I’ve taken a trip by myself purposefully.  After my first solo trip to Naples, Florida, I was hooked, and ever since I have been a firm believer in the much needed solo get away.

People think I’m crazy.  They ask, amongst other things, “Why would you want to go away by yourself? Do you go to dinner alone? Isn’t it lonely? Don’t you get bored?"

I didn't know I would want to go away by myself until I did it. Isn’t that how we learn sometimes what we like and don’t like? I happened to love the experience and I now I ask people, why wouldn’t you want to go away by yourself?

Yes, I do go to dinner alone. There is something very empowering about confidently telling the hostess “table for one please”. Often times, I grab a seat at the bar and inevitably someone interesting winds up sitting nearby and we start chatting and the bartender joins in and by the end of my dinner I’ve made some new friends, shared some great stories, and had an awesome time doing it. Table or bar seat, I love the experience of dining alone on my solo get aways.

No, it isn’t lonely. It’s me time.   I choose to spend time with me and while I am alone, I am not lonely by any stretch of the imagination. I have myself and I am enough. I am completely comfortable with just me.

And no, I don’t get bored. The list of things to do is endless. Imagine having the day to do whatever the fuck YOU want to do. I read a book in peace. I order a cocktail way too early on days that I’m not working because I feel like it. I explore new places that perhaps a travel companion wouldn’t want to explore. I make my own schedule. My time is my time. As a busy Mom and entrepreneur, there is A LOT to love about THAT.

Earlier this year, I accepted a new job. In my adult life, I have always gone directly from one job to the next with no time off in between. I was fortunate to have saved some money this time around and so I decided to give myself permission to take a week off before transitioning. I booked a last minute, four day solo get away to Bermuda.

On the plane, I overheard the woman behind me talking about how she was headed on vacation by herself. Her friend was going to come, but changed her mind because of Covid.  She said she’d never been away alone before. She was asking the local seated next to her for good places to visit and eat and explore. She mentioned she was a single Mom and so she had been looking forward to this much needed time away.  I knew this was not a coincidence that she of all people was seated right behind me on a near empty plane. The more I listened to her speak, the more I identified with her. The more I loved her. I loved her for taking the trip despite the fact that her friend had bailed last minute. I loved her positivity and her spirit. I loved her for giving herself that gift of time. Time to think.  Time to rest. Time to play.  Time to explore. Time to learn.  Time to grow. Time to reset.  Time to love herself.  She reminded me of myself in a lot of ways.  We exchanged phone numbers once we got off the plane, wound up meeting for dinner that night in town, and the rest is history. Janet and I have been friends since and I couldn’t be more grateful for having met her.

Traveling solo has pushed me beyond my edges, beyond my comfort zone, beyond my boundaries. It has pushed me to explore and led me to meet so many interesting and amazing people that I can’t imagine not having met in this life. It has reminded me take the risk and to dive in head first when it feels right because, well, I believe it will either wind up being a huge win or being a great fucking story.  Either way, you learn…you grow…you experience.

Most importantly, traveling solo has taught me about myself. It has given me time to get to know myself. Time to think. Time to simply be.

I believe that it is vital that we give ourselves permission to have time alone. This does not mean you need to go ahead and book yourself some crazy expensive tropical vacation, but I would encourage you to consider making your time YOUR time every once in a while. Give yourself that gift. Maybe that looks like a solo trip to get your favorite ice cream on a hot summer day OR time alone at the park reading a great book OR taking yourself out to your favorite restaurant for a solo dinner OR going to see your favorite band in concert solo (when we can do that again) OR maybe it does mean taking the leap and booking yourself a night away solo. Whatever that looks and feels like for you, DO IT.

If you’re like me, you may feel guilty about wanting to do something for yourself. Yeah, you know what I mean. That good old “Mom guilt” is creeping in right?

I invite you to PLEASE give yourself the permission to do something for yourself. Let go of the guilt. Prioritize yourself. Love yourself. Spend time with just yourself. Get to know yourself. Sit with your thoughts all by yourself. As scary and uncomfortable as that might seem at first, I promise you, it’s the most amazing and empowering thing to BE ENOUGH for yourself. How can we be expected to provide love and care for others, manage ALL the things with a smile all of the time, and show up for others as our best self if we aren’t taking the time to LOVE OURSELVES FIRST?

As I sit here, the paddle board calling me to get out on the water and chase the sunset, I know that when my little loves and their Dad and my amazing friends arrive this week, I will be able to show up as the best version of me. I have given myself the love and care I deserve. I have gifted myself the time that I need. Time to think.  Time to rest. Time to work. Time to play.  Time to explore. Time to learn.  Time to grow. Time to reset.  Time to fill my cup. Time to simply be.

Do yourself a favor. Take the trip…solo.