Hope & Possibility: My Journey to Becoming a Kidney Donor

On March 19th, 2024, I am donating my left kidney. 

Back in 2022, a co-worker and I were texting one Friday afternoon during a training we both happened to be in.  The person leading the training had said something totally out of line for the topic at hand, which led me to shoot a text off to one of the few people I knew in the training at the time, Melissa.  You see, a few years prior, Melissa had interviewed me for a job in Maine where she was working at the time.  Ultimately, I didn’t move forward with the position, but she and I kept in touch professionally texting every few months about work related stuff.  In early 2022, she transitioned to a new role at Boston Children’s Hospital and reached out to recruit me to work there too.  At the time, things just didn’t align for me to make the move.  However, when Melissa reached back out to me several months later about the same opportunity, things did seem to align and so I decided to make the transition.

As she and I texted on that Friday afternoon, I had asked what she was up to for the weekend.  She shared that she was going to dialysis training at 4:30 PM that afternoon to which I replied that that was insane and asked why she would have to go to another work training so late on a Friday when we had already been in training for several hours that day.  She then responded back and shared that the dialysis training was not for work.  It was for her.  Melissa would need to be on dialysis for the rest of her life unless she found a kidney donor.  I read her text and just as quickly I responded back asking what someone needs to do to determine if they could be her donor.  Looking back, I think I somehow intuitively knew when I sent that text that I was going to be that person.

Melissa shared that she was being treated at Mass General Hospital (MGH) in Boston, MA and so that afternoon, I sent an Email off to the transplant team there to inquire on next steps.  And that was that.

After being in touch with the donor team at MGH, I learned that I would need to undergo a series of blood tests and urine tests to start the process along with educational sessions provided by MGH.  I agreed and moved forward, however, shortly after doing so, I received a notification from MGH that their living kidney donor program had been paused due to a situation at the hospital.  I took this as a sign from the Universe to press pause myself.

The idea of revisiting the process with MGH stuck in my mind over the coming months.  Little did I know that I was about to get another sign from the Universe, this time nudging me to move forward.

I had wanted to visit Peru and do a trek with Embark Exploration, Co., the company that I love to use for my climbing adventures.  I reached out to Donovan, one of the owners, early in 2023 and shared that I was interested to travel to Peru but I could only travel during a specific two week window in June of that year due to my kids schedule.  I thought the chances were somewhat slim that things would align, but what do you know, Donovan got back to me indicating there was a group of 21 climbers, mostly from Colorado and mostly into Cross Fit, that would be doing the very trek I had interest in and would be going on the exact dates that I was able to go.  Additionally, they were willing to let me join their group.

Donovan connected me with Chris Sullivan who was the leader of the group.  When Chris and I started chatting, I asked him to tell me about himself and joked that I hoped I’d fit in with this group of Cross Fitters because I don’t do burpees!  Chris shared a bit about himself and the group and then (the best part) he shared with me was that he is a Kidney Donor Athlete.  He had donated a kidney to someone he didn’t know (a non-directed donation) in September of 2020.  

Of all the people in this entire world that I could have been connected with to go on a trek in Peru on the specific dates that just so happened to be the only dates that aligned for me in 2023 it was Chris, a living kidney donor athlete.  Hello Universe!  You can’t make this shit up!

We spent two weeks in Peru together in June of 2023 trekking and exploring and climbing and laughing and having the most amazing adventure with amazing humans that made up our larger group.  I had the chance to see him be physically active, make his way through some hard as hell conditions and terrain, and do it all just like the rest of us that had two kidneys.   While I now fully understand that not all donors are so lucky to be this active post donation, that experience played a large part in helping me to see what could be possible post donation.  It helped me to see that it is possible to heal, to recover, and to move forward in life and do big things, have epic adventures, push your limits, and truly LIVE. 

Needless to say, shortly after I returned from Peru last summer, I reached out to MGH and resumed the testing process.  My first visit to the lab involved somewhere around 13 vials of blood being taken as well as a 24-hour urine test.  Let’s just say my body produced a lot of urine in 24 hours! 

After those results came back good, I moved onto spending a day last Fall at MGH for additional testing, lab work, and meetings with my donor advocate (who has been amazing!), the nephrologist, a psychiatrist, and a social worker. Finally, a few weeks later I was sent for some follow up tests and scans.  I remember telling my boyfriend Paul that I was either going to find out I had some terrible rare disease or that I was extremely healthy!  Not surprisingly, no stone is left unturned when you are being considered as an organ donor.  The donor team is sure to dive deep into not just your physical health but also your mental and spiritual health as well.  The entire process was extremely eye-opening and educational, at times a bit nerve-wracking, but most importantly, it allowed me opportunities to truly process everything that I was experiencing, to take a hard look at my health and my habits, and to be 100% sure that donating a kidney felt right to me.  The donation team gave me 1,000 chances to opt out of the process at absolutely any time, but for me, I never felt the urge or the need to do so.  I consistently felt that I was right where I was meant to be throughout this entire process thanks to my intuition, my spiritual team, and several signs from the Universe along the way.

In early December of 2023, I received the official word from MGH that I was a match for Melissa and had been formally approved as a donor.  I remember receiving the voicemail from my donor advocate and having this moment of like…holy shit.  This is real.  This is happening.  That moment was quickly followed by a combination of feelings including gratitude, excitement, and anxiety.  Gratitude to know I was healthy enough to be able to donate a kidney.  Excitement to know that I was actually a match for Melissa who I had come forward for in the first place thanks to that “random” (although I believe nothing is random) text all those Fridays ago.  And anxiety as I thought about the human side of this.  I found myself feeling anxious for the first time in the entire process as I thought about Melissa.  A million questions formed in my head.  Did I have to tell her it was me?  Could I remain anonymous?  Would she think I expected something from her?  Would she expect anything from me?  How would she react to this news?  How would I feel sharing it?  What was I going to say to her?  The list went on and on…

I learned that because I had come forward to donate to Melissa and had now been identified as a match, I could not remain anonymous.  However, I did have the choice to share the news with her myself or to let MGH share the news with her on my behalf.  Considering we had a professional relationship already, I felt very weird about having someone else share this news and so I chose to do so myself.

I set up a Zoom call with Melissa for just after the New Year.  This in itself was totally odd considering we had really only texted here and there in the time we had known one another, but I wasn’t about to text this news and so here we were.  The days leading up to our call, I continued to feel anxious and had endless questions streaming through my brain.  Thankfully though after some amazing friends of mine gave me the space to talk myself through it all out loud, I came to a place of calm and readiness just before the day of our call.

Melissa and I connected over Zoom in January. We started off just chatting about work and making small talk before I asked her how she had been feeling and how things were going with dialysis.  She shared with me that her team at MGH had reached out a couple weeks prior to let her know they had identified a donor.  She told me that she didn’t know who it was yet, but that she couldn’t help but wonder if it was me.  After all, I had let her know back in 2022 that I would reach out to MGH to inquire about donation.  I remember listening to her talk for a few more minutes as I sat there in my chair taking deep breaths, breathing in the moment, and doing my best to keep my mind and body calm.  When she had finished her story there was a brief pause and silence.  I took that as my opportunity to share the news.  I took one more deep breath in and then I said the words, “It’s me.  I’m the match.”

There are no words to describe the feelings and emotions that followed.  I almost felt like I was having an out of body experience for a moment.  I was so high on gratitude to be experiencing this moment, so humbled to have this opportunity to give this gift of hope and possibility to another human, and so overwhelmed by love and joy and the reality of it all.  Our conversation could not have gone better.  We could not have been more aligned in our thinking.  I could not have felt more calm and settled in my decision as I did that day. 

As I have shared with family and close friends that I will be donating, I have noticed that I start to squirm in my skin when people respond with things like “you are a hero” or “you are so amazing”. Maybe this is my own defense mechanism or my not knowing how to receive those words.  I’m not quite sure yet.  It’s all so new and I don’t have the words for it yet, but it’s quite something to say out loud that I am giving an organ to another human.  It’s not hypothetical.  It’s real.  I think I am still working to comprehend that on some level.

I have also noticed that a common response I have received when sharing the news with others has to do with giving the gift of life.  Most people say something to the effect of “wow it is so amazing that you are giving the gift of life to someone else”.   

“Giving the gift of life.” 

That just stops me. 

I feel my whole body pull back and pause, a true physical response to those words.

Isn’t God (or whatever higher power you believe in if any) the only person that can “give life”?  While I understand what people are trying to convey in this response, I am unsure if I will ever fully be able to embrace that thinking as my own. 

In my own words, I feel blessed, lucky, grateful, and ALL the things to be able to offer another human the gift of hope and possibility. 

I am giving the gift of hope and possibility. 

That’s how I choose to see this.

Hope and the possibility of a life that is filled with more ease and flexibility day to day, better health, the opportunity to thrive and live a long fulfilling life, and the opportunity to find joy and happiness and adventure and whatever else it is that Melissa decides she wants in her one shot at this human experience we call life.  To me, there is infinite power in hope and possibility and to be able to give those gifts…that I can wrap my brain around.  

I believe in being courageous, following my intuition, doing epic shit, and fully embracing and living this one life that I have been gifted.  I believe in leading with love and leading by example.  I believe in pushing my own limits and boundaries to show myself that I am capable of more than I could ever imagine.  Most of all, I believe in showing others what is possible in this life.  My hope is that by sharing my journey and my story around kidney donation that I not only help educate others about organ donation, but that I am able to positively impact others, help them to think bigger, and help them to see that in their life, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. 

It doesn’t have to be donating a kidney, but whatever that thing is that you feel called to do, whatever that goal is that you have had in the back of your mind for too long now, whatever it is that you want, take one step forward today and go after it.  You’ve got one life.  Go get it! 

I’m confident that I’ll have more to say about this journey in the coming weeks and months, but for now, I’ll leave you with that.

A huge shout out and THANK YOU to all of the living kidney donors that I have connected with leading up to this. I appreciate YOU and your story!

See you all on the flip side, one bean and all.